Open Letters: To That Girl

Dear “That girl”

I know you. You’ve just gotten out of a long term relationship and are feeling a bit lost right now. You’re “that girl.” The one that turns down date invitations and nights out with the girls just to sit in the tub with the shower faucet running and think about what went wrong. You’re the girl who stays up until the wee hours of the night trying to figure out who to pin the blame on. Was it your fault or his? Eventually, you’ll accept all the blame and cry yourself to sleep. When your alarm goes off, you’ll hesitate to get out of bed and wonder if this will be the day you call in to work and say that you’re never coming in again. You’ll ponder this until you have only a small amount of time to get ready. You’ll find some recently discarded clothes on your floor to wear. Your coworkers will point out the bags under your eyes and ask if you had “a long night” with a wink. As if that’s appropriate to ask, but it’s not like it’s any of their business to begin with.

Those who know you best will know that you’re “that girl.” The one who is struggling too hard to remember who they were before the relationship, to even consider having “a long night” with anyone else. So much of your identity was derived from who you were with this one person that you spent all of you time with. You don’t know who you are outside of that.

I know you. I know that it’s hard right now to set yourself apart from who you were in that relationship. It’s hard to now make plans for what’s next when you had always envisioned the future with that certain someone. Give it some time. You’ll become a better, more refined you. You know yourself better than anyone else does. When it’s time to find another, you’ll be able to distinguish yourself from them. You are strong, independent, and courageous. You’ll get through this, I promise.

“That girl”

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