Brief Intermission

Surprise. Surprise.

It’s only been a few months since I’ve posted anything….okay, It’s been about six months! I’d say that I’m pretty consistent with being inconsistent. There has got to be some kind of an award for that. If not, I’m going to make one and award myself with it.

Honestly, blogging hasn’t been the only thing I have been neglecting as of late. I’ve kind of found myself in this sort of limbo where I’m half paying attention to what’s going on around me. I haven’t been doing a whole lot with my friends, my writing or my career. I am feeling very…stagnant. At least, that is the best way that I can think to put it.

I remember when my motivation to write would come in bursts. I would be able to sit down for hours and just write anything on my mind. Now, inspiration is fleeting. There’s always that dull buzzing inside of me that tells me that I should just sit down and let the words manifest themselves. Then when I finally get the time to, I freeze up. I absently stare at blank sheets of paper or a blinking cursor. For a while I thought that I was completely dried up of the only creative outlet that I have ever really had.

The issue isn’t that the words have ever left me.

All this time I have been choosing to fixate myself on one thing or another, neglecting everything else in my life. It’s painful really. I put all of my effort into improving one aspect of my life at a time, meanwhile letting everything else suffer.

I wish that all of this was just a build-up to an announcement of some sort of miracle cure. Perhaps some sort of magical elixir to help people like me to manage life a little better. But alas, I sit here with the same empty promise of self-improvement.

We’ll see what happens.

 

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Ramblings: Season 5, Episode 11

It’s hard to believe that I have been running this thing for almost five years. This blog, that is. When I’ve mentioned it to other people, they always ask me what it’s about. I’m never able think of a very solid answer. After almost five years, I still don’t know what this is about. I never know what I am going to post or when I’m going to post it.

This all started as an open journal for me. I wanted a place to post more of my censored thoughts. I wanted to be able to share a bit of my life with everyone. Most of my journal-type entries aren’t even relevant anymore. I don’t even know some of the people that I’ve mentioned anymore.

I still don’t know what I’m doing.

I don’t have regular readers, so I know that I doesn’t mean much if I post or not. It doesn’t make a difference if three weeks, three months, or three years passes between posts. With how much time has passed since I’ve actually sat down to write, I should have something more to say. And still, I’ve been staring at a blinking cursor for far too long.

I know that I was meant to write. I don’t know what about and maybe I won’t ever know. For now I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to fall back in love with writing, fall back in love with myself.

For the very few of you that continue to read everything that I post, thank you.

Thank you for your patience, kindness, and encouragement.

With love always.